2Final Draft, Inc. Final Draftw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cene 1: munster, germany, 1530 Darkness. Von waldeck (o.S.) He did not die quickly. I saw to that. First, I caged him. Then I used the pliers. I have a different one for each finger. He did not scream for God. Two sharp eyes come center stage as a spotlight slowly rises on Bishop Franz von Waldeck, an imposing figure in a full cassock, lightly swinging a censer. He addresses us directly. VoN WALDECK After the fingers, I took the eyes. Always a lot of blood. But easy work. But he did not scream for God. But then. The flaming irons. They always scream for God then. But not this one. Perhaps it was the poison softening his wits, but had he been clear-headed... I think he would have enjoyed it all the more. I looked into his eyes as the glowing metal touched his flesh, and in his eyes I saw... Something that was not pain. Divinity, the devil, or merely extreme pleasure. Perhaps all three. Since that time, in my weakest moments I have asked myself: might he have been God himself? But such questions are blasphemous, and we should not consider them. All that I truly know is this. Von Waldeck raises his cassock and, jeepers! Hes wearing a frilly pair of pink bloomers, with red bows! VON WALDECK He made me beautiful. Act 1 scene 2: RED OAK TAVERN Von Waldeck drops his cassock and glares at us. VoN WALDECK Do not think for a moment that this is merely a tale of lechery and dereliction. There are positive and wholesome lessons to be learned herein. Those who are shocked by indiscretion and fornication may be assured that, in my story, righteousness ultimately triumphs over the forces of depravity and sin. And you will surely find that I have a thorough and holy justification for my underclothing. We hear the sounds of a rural sixteenth-century German town: the rumbling of a small cart, squawling of small children playing in mud, and a bumblebee buzzes. 00020000064900000775643,VON WALDECK Munster, Germany, 1530. April twenty-second. My arrival in town was greeted by the sight of children playing with the filth of pigs and the smells of garlic and ale left to moulder in the sun. My assignment, given by no other than the High Abbess Margareta von Beichlingen: close the Red Oak Tavern, a known pit of depravity and loose virtue. We hear happy, raucous laughter with one particular female most prominent: the voice of Divara. The lights fade up and we see that we are inside a small tavern. A musician, Dieter, plays a musical instrument. Jan van Matthijs tugs on a stein of beer and Divara giggles in his lap. Another drinker, his back to us, chuckles along. VON WALDECK WHERE! The laughter continues. The happy group toasts their steins. VON WALDECK IS! Someone belches and the group continues babbling a happy hubbub. VON WALDECK JAN VAN MATTHIJS! Slowly the group subsides from its laughter. Jan van Matthijs is a round barkeep with a pleasant, unthreatening demeanor. Van matthijs May I ask whose business it is to know? Bishop von Waldeck crosses the barroom in four strides and pushes Divara onto the barroom floor. Divara Oot! Here! VoN WALDECK Sacrilege! Damnation! VAN MATTHIJS Ah. Yes. Welcome to my tavern. You must be the Bishop Franz von Waldeck. VON WALDECK Defiler! Desecrator! VAN MATTHIJS Ah. Now. Perhaps you want some porridge. And our ale is honeyed today. VON WALDECK Keeper of whores! VAN MATTHIJS Here, now, I keep no whores! In falling to the floor, Divaras skirt has flashed up to her thighs. She pushes it down unceremoniously. 00020000062100000DB861B,DivarA I am no whore! Bastard! Von Waldeck swings the censer and smacks Divara in the face with it; it makes a metallic thonk sound. DIVARA Oot! Here! Divara stands and stares at von Waldeck in defiance. VaN MATTHIJS Divara, dearest, please dont make trouble... DIVARA He popped me on my nose! Ill not take it! VAN MATTHIJS Divara, dearest, please... Van Matthijs tugs Divara to his side. DIVARA (under her breath) Ill not take it, I say! VON WALDECK This day is the day of Sabbath, Jan van Matthijs. This is the day our Lord has commanded to keep holy. Yet, the pews of our church are empty! All the sinners of Munster are here, in your tavern, Jan van Matthijs! VaN MATTHIJS This tavern pays its tithes, Bishop... VON WALDECK In gold, yes! In sinners, no! You remain their master! VAN MATTHIJS I dont bar the door. Every man is free to come and go as he chooses. DIVARA Here, Im a woman! Am I not free to come and go, then? Bishop von Waldeck swings his censer in a small circle. Divara recoils angrily. DIVARA Dont you hit me! VON WALDECK This place of sin is to be closed immediately. All sinners are to follow me immediately to the church. Disobey me and risk the loss of your immortal souls. Van leyden (his back turned) And what use are they? A new voice from the bar. His back still turned to us, van Leyden places an empty stein of beer on the bar. We see the tools of a tailor on this man as he stands, tape measure around his neck and a long pair of scissors tucked into his belt. His eyes are hidden under the brim of his hat. 00020000085A000013D3854,Van leYDEN Of what use is a soul? What does it fetch at market? Do you have a soul, Bishop von Waldeck? VoN WALDECK Wretch, what is your name? VAN LEYDEN Jan van Leyden, tailor. To friends, to van Matthijs, to Divara here, I am Jan. To you, van Leyden will do. VON WALDECK Get you to the church, tailor. Your sin is your ungodly vanity and your ignorance. You will learn the word of... God! Von Waldeck gasps because van Leyden has placed the point of his scissors on von Waldecks belly! VAN LEYDEN And your sin is your thirty-six inch waist in your thirty-two inch cassock. Ill let that out for you. With a deft move, van Leyden cuts von Waldecks cassock from belly to neck. Von Waldeck gasps and feels for blood, but there is none. Von Waldeck gasps and covers his chest. Van leYDEN I was afraid, because I was naked. Genesis, three-ten. Von Waldeck swings his censer, but van Leyden ducks! The censer continues in its arc and bonks off Divaras head with another metallic thonk! DiVARA (shrieking) Oot! Thats it! Bastard! Von Waldeck tries to duck away, but Divara grabs him from behind and rides him like a bucking mule! Von Waldeck drops the censer and lumbers in a circle, desperately trying to shake her off! DivARA (shrieking) Whoreson-bastard-mongrel-Catholic-mongrel-bastard-bastard-bastard! Van Matthijs manages to pull Divara off of von Waldeck. Von Waldeck rears back and swings at Divara. Divara dives to the floor and von Waldeck smacks van Matthijs instead! Van Matthijs smiles faintly and collapses to the floor! Divara takes a bite out of von Waldecks ankle and von Waldeck hops around painfully. Von Waldeck grabs the nearest weapon, which happens to be the musical instrument out of Dieters lap. He turns to the rest of the crowd, ready to pummel anyone who comes close. Dieter gently taps von Waldeck on the shoulder. Von Waldeck turns and Dieter knocks him silly with a quick right cross. The recorder hits the floor and falls into several pieces. Dieter and van Leyden pick up von Waldeck and carry him out the door. Divara berates the senseless bishop as hes carried out. 00020000060E00001C27608,DIVARA And the next time I see you here, Ill have your rosaries, you understand? Ill chop them off and roast them and have them for Sunday breakfast, you... you... Bastard! Divara picks up the censer and summarily throws it at the Bishop, who by now is well off-stage. It hits its target with a metallic thonk. VoN WALDECK (o.S.) Oot! Van Leyden and Dieter re-enter, dusting themselves and straightening their clothing. They reseat themselves at the bar. Divara tends to van Matthijs, mopping gently at his forehead. Dieter Good riddance to bad religion. Van leYDEN (Toasting Dieter) Knight takes bishop, checkmate. Dieter inspects the broken pieces of his instrument. DIETER This knights sword is out of tune. Van Leyden pulls an oilskin pouch from a pocket. He tosses it to Dieter and we hear the clink of gold coins as Dieter catches it. Van LEYDEN Take up the violin. Dieter removes a gold coin from the pouch. DIETER With this, perhaps Ill take up two. DivARA Jan! Honey-cake! Lemon-drop! Sugar-pie! Van MATTHIJS Divara, youre making me hungry. DIVARA Berry-muffin, I would just die if you had another of your fainting spells. Van lEYDEN Is he injured? Van MATTHIJS My pride is badly bruised. Van leYDEN (looking o.s.) We seem to have convinced the good bishop to leave Munster. DIETER How can you tell? VAN LEYDEN He seems to be stealing my mule. We hear von Waldeck give a sharp syllable of instruction, followed by the clatter of hooves. DIETER The diocese is controlled from Essen. It seems your mule is after Essen. 0002000006770000222F671,VAN LEYDEN (turning to leave) Yes. And my ass is after my mule. DivARA Borrow a burro and stay with us, love. Essens not for the likes of us, van Leyden. Van MATTHIJS Essens controlled entirely by Catholics. Not a sinner anywhere in the town. Only... (with disgust) Priests and nuns. Van lEYDEN (cocking an eyebrow) In that case, the priests are yours. VAN MATTHIJS But you have no horse to take you there! VAN LEYDEN Two legs make me half a horse, and half a horse is better than none. VAN MATTHIJS Which half I wont guess. But its forty miles of unmarked roads. And you dont know the way! VAN LEYDEN Well, which way is it? Van Matthijs ruminates, points vaguely, grunts, shakes his head, points the other way, draws a curlicue in the air, and strokes his chin. VAN MATTHIJS Follow me. Van Matthijs and van Leyden walk toward the door. Van MATTHIJS Ill be back before the sun rises twice, Divara. No tavern fights while Im gone. DIVARA Jan! Molasses-bear! Van Leyden, youll watch over him carefully? There are loose nuns in Essen, Ill wager! Nuns that would love to take my Jan away from me! VAN MATTHIJS Divara, I promise. I wont so much as look at another woman while Im away. Divara nods solemnly, clutches a rag from the bartop to her cheek, and huddles gently next to Dieter. Van Matthijs puts his arm around van Leyden. Van MATTHIJS Well live off the fat of the land for a few days, you and me. Breathe the warm air, sleep beneath the stars, bow before the girls, eh? Like old times! Face it, van Leyden, no man on earth loves you as I do! Van Matthijs lets out a belly laugh as he leads van Leyden offstage... 000200000636000028A0630, ACT 1 SCENE 3: cottage Birdsong and the sound of gentle wind through trees. We see the front door to a small cottage. Perhaps we can make out elements of a small garden before us. Sophie, a beautiful young girl, kneels with a basket before us, working in the garden. Van Leyden wanders on, followed by van Matthijs, puffing heavily and screaming at his friend. VaN MATTHIJS You ninny! You empty-headed thick-skulled addle-brained ninny! Taking us on a forty mile walk without horses, food, water, or other supplies! Bad idea, I said, bad idea, van Leyden, but did you listen? No! Oh, my stomach aches for sugar cakes! Van leYDEN Too much bile on your brain and not enough in your belly. Tighten your belt and loosen your scarf. VAN MATTHIJS I can barely lift my legs! VAN LEYDEN You lift your tongue easily enough. Ill lift your spirits, and with both of us lifting, the legs will surely follow. VAN MATTHIJS (pointing) Look! I can see Essen, not five miles that way! Theyll have food! Im going now! VAN LEYDEN Good idea. Ill -- Van Leyden spies Sophie. VAN MATTHIJS -- be right along. Van Matthijs notes Sophie, looks at van Leyden, and rolls his eyes. He trots off. Van Leyden straightens his hair, cleans his teeth, checks his breath, and walks to Sophie, smiling. VAN LEYDEN Pardon? Is this path the fastest to Essen? Sophie I am not to talk to strangers. VAN LEYDEN A wise policy indeed. I never talk to strangers either. You have never heard of a stranger named Jan van Leyden, have you? Sophie shakes her head no. Van leYDEN We must be friends, then. 00020000062100002ED061B,Sophie turns back to her garden. SOPHIE I am busy. VAN LEYDEN Not so busy that you wouldnt help a dying man? SOPHIE (changed) Did you say... Dying? VAN LEYDEN There. The truth slips out again. I do not mean to put my burden on you, dear girl. No, do not help me. God will determine whether I live or die today. Sophie fidgets. VaN lEYDEN You see these fragile bones? This pallid skin? This coated tongue? Van Leyden sticks out his tongue. VAN LEYDEN There ith only one plathe on earth where I may be baptithed and continue to my heavenly dethtenation... And that is Essen. SOPHIE How long do you have to live? VAN LEYDEN A day? An hour? But why do I, a stranger, trouble you with my burden? I leave you now, and be this a short path or a long one, or an incorrect path entirely, I will die happier for having met you on this path. Van Leyden limps a few steps down the path. Sophie makes a little unconscious note of concern. Van Leyden turns and shows the saddest puppy-dog face in the world to Sophie, sighs, and makes to continue down the path. SOPHIE Wait -- VAN LEYDEN (instantly) Yes? SOPHIE The path is quicker to the left. Keep to your left hand. You will arrive before sunset. VAN LEYDEN Oh, my beautiful dear girl! My sweet angel of saving mercy! I ... Pray, what did your father name you? SOPHIE I am not to talk to strangers. VAN LEYDEN A long name, to be sure. Perhaps you have a nickname? SOPHIE Sophie. VAN LEYDEN I pray, Sophie, that God will shower all his utmost blessings on you, and I pray for peace for you and -- you and -- 000200000638000034EB632,Van Leyden tumbles in a heap at Sophies feet. Instantly Sophie is kneeling beside him. Van leYDEN Its nothing. Just a passing spell. SOPHIE You are not well. VAN LEYDEN The darkness... Closing around me... I fight it... There, it fades! SOPHIE I must call you a doctor. VAN LEYDEN Call me what you will, but my name is Jan van Leyden. SOPHIE (a beat) I must fetch a doctor for you. VAN LEYDEN I fear that once he arrives, I will not be here. Oh, dear sweet Sophie, my poor Sophie, I would not have had you in this tragic position. To have to witness the passing of my soul -- SOPHIE (gasps) Are you dying? VAN LEYDEN (nods) And, to think, that in my life, I never once knew... Van Leyden fades. Sophie grabs a hand and primly smacks it until he returns to consciousness. SOPHIE Knew what? VAN LEYDEN The arms of a woman. My friends told me I was mad, seeking the love of a true woman, pure of heart, pure of mind. I will only marry for love, I told them. Now, it is too late for me. I am dying, Sophie. And I die... Without knowing... The touch... Of the finer sex. Van Leyden puts his other hand on Sophies. She considers for a few moments. SOPHIE Not without the blessings of a priest. VAN LEYDEN (a complete recovery) Hmm? SOPHIE I will not make bed with you unless a priest of the Catholic order marries us. VAN LEYDEN Dear Sophie, the last wish of a dying man-- SOPHIE To do otherwise would be a sin. Dying though you may be, I will not make bed with you unless we are first married by a Catholic priest. VAN LEYDEN (sighs) My strength returns. SOPHIE (surprised) 00020000071A00003B1D714,You recover so suddenly? VAN LEYDEN For the moment, yes. Though I will be dead soon. By the sunset, by the sunrise, who can tell? Van Leyden gets to his feet and dusts himself off. Sophie follows him. Van lEYDEN And when I die, the words on my lips will be... Van Leyden slowly mouths the word Sophie. Sophie flutters a little. Van Leyden turns to continue on the path. SOPHIE Keep -- VAN LEYDEN (a double meaning) I know. To my left hand. Van Leyden heavily trudges to the edge of the stage. Van Matthijs appears again and van Leyden stops before him. Van Matthijs looks at him quizzically. Van MATTHIJS Did she go for it? Bitter silence from van Leyden. Van MATTHIJS Youre losing your touch. They always used to go for the death thing. Did you use the touch of the finer sex line? Van leYDEN Shut up, Jan. Van Leyden walks offstage. VAN MATTHIJS Face it, van Leyden. In Germany the only way to control a woman is to control her mind. And the only way to control her mind is to control the church! VAN LEYDEN Shut up, Jan! VaN MATTHIJS (sniffing) Batter-cakes! I smell batter-cakes! Were nearly to Essen, Jan, and theres a stack of batter-cakes with van Matthijss name straight on them! ACT 1 SCENE 4 Gregorian chants fill the air. A vast and ornate candelabrum and a golden chalice, and perhaps the greatest indicator of wealth in the sixteenth century: huge beautiful books of all types. Leafing through a beautiful Bible is Margareta II von Beichlingen, the Abbess of Essen. In a time of unliberated women, she is without a doubt the most powerful person in this part of Germany. Her title was Princess of the Realm; she was recognized as a voting member of the Diet of the Holy Roman Empire. She has a stunning gold medallion at her throat with a blood-red ruby at the center. 00020000066D00004231667,In quietly steps Bishop von Waldeck. Von Beichlingen does not acknowledge the Bishops presence; she merely continues reading the Bible. VON WALDECK May it please the Princess -- Von Beichlingen raises a finger for silence and does not turn to face him. Von Waldeck swallows his words. Von beichlingen There was a plague among the congregation of the Lord. Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. VON WALDECK (tensely) Deuteronomy? VON BEICHLINGEN Numbers, chapter thirty-one, verses sixteen through eighteen. Von Beichlingen turns and we see her face for the first time, beautiful and terrible. She doesnt bother to grant her eyes to von Waldeck. Von beICHLINGEN As all good Catholics know. Von WALDECK My Princess, the townspeople of Munster -- VON BEICHLINGEN Have thrown you out of the town on your ear. Meanwhile, the people of Munster rob our tax collectors. Our treasury dwindles. Our army is reduced to less than a thousand overpaid mercenaries and fifty loyal eunuchs. VON WALDECK My Princess -- VON BEICHLINGEN Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles. Proverbs, chapter twenty-one, verse twenty-three. There are three courses for those who wish to hold a newly acquired state: the first is to ruin the state, the next is to reside there in person, the third is to permit them to live under their own laws, drawing a tribute, and establishing within it an oligarchy which will keep it friendly to you. Machiavelli. 000200000A4A00004898A44,Von Waldeck doesnt recognize the name, but doesnt let on. Von BEICHLINGEN Ill live in the cesspool called Munster under no conditions, so option two is out. Ill burn Munster to the ground if I can find no other way to control it. Well reserve option one. Meanwhile, I choose option three. I will install a bishop that the people of Munster respect, but who will remain ultimately loyal to this parish. VON WALDECK May it please the Princess, what will become of me? VON BEICHLINGEN I understand that Reykjavik is replete with sinners requiring conversion. VON WALDECK Is that in Finland? VON BEICHLINGEN Iceland. Van lEYDEN (o.S.) You must tell her that it is a matter of the utmost importance! Voice (o.S.) The Abbess Margareta von Beichlingen does not address herself to commoners. VAN LEYDEN (O.S.) I come as a subject of the Abbess, then! VOICE (o.S.) Church business is transacted only on Thursdays at two hours before vespers... VAN LEYDEN (o.S.) Is my business the church business? Von bEICHLINGEN (carelessly) That is my decision. (calling o.s.) Let him in. Van Leyden bursts in, disheveled. He immediately senses that he is in the presence of unusual power. VAN LEYDEN May it please the Princess -- VON BEICHLINGEN What is the meaning of this disturbance? VAN LEYDEN (gulps) I am Jan van Leyden, the tailor, and I come to the cathedral to inquire as to the health of my mule. VON wALDECK One of the natives of Munster, my Princess. Von BEICHLINGEN (to van Leyden) You, wait. We have thirty new aspirants in the next room. I am to talk to them. Von Beichlingen pushes a curtain aside and we hear a murmur of female voices that quickly shush one another. She glares purposefully at the crowd and then continues. Von bEICHLINGEN Poverty. Chastity. Obedience. You smell the scent of the convents batter-cakes and you hunger for them. Girls, the hunger you now feel in your bellies is nothing to the hunger your souls feel for God. You will purify yourselves. Remove the lice-ridden clothing from your unclean bodies. You will sanitize yourselves thoroughly with water from the buckets, there, and there. Your habits will be brought to you shortly. The sooner you are clean, the sooner you may eat. Nervous chatter from the girls. Von Beichlingen drops the curtain. VON BEICHLINGEN Speak. VAN LEYDEN I last saw my ass underneath the buttocks of that man. VON BEICHLINGEN (gently) You accuse the Bishop Franz von Waldeck of crime? The bishop is the ecclesiastical authority for Munster. His word is law. Now. Think carefully. Answer correctly. Do you claim that von Waldeck stole your mule? 00020000063C000052DC636,Van Leyden thinks fast. VAN LEYDEN Stole it... Heavens, no! The mule is my gift to the abbey! Von Waldeck rolls his eyes. Van lEYDEN Your tax collector came to my shop. I paid him the standard fourteen gold-guilders and he left. After he had gone, I realized that I had just received a new shipment of muslin from Brussels. I owed the tithe for it, and yet I had forgotten to pay it to the collector. Von WALDECK This story is slow. VAN LEYDEN Unfortunately my business is also slow, my respected Princess, and thus I pay my tithes to you, not in gold, but in the last item of value this poor weaver possesses -- my stable, beloved mule. VON WALDECK My Princess, this man is a weaver of tales and an actor. Von BEICHLINGEN (a slight smile) He reminds me a bit of you. Van LEYDEN (dabbing a tear) My mule... Please feed her oats... She likes oats... And a carrot every now and then... VON BEICHLINGEN Tell me what news of Munster. VAN LEYDEN My Princess? VON BEICHLINGEN Are they sympathetic to our Holy Church? VAN LEYDEN I am your loyal subject -- VON BEICHLINGEN That was not my question. Think carefully. Answer correctly. VAN LEYDEN (sighing) I see now that my life is forfeit. VON BEICHLINGEN Pardon? VAN LEYDEN Were I to tell you that Munster is full of scoundrels who alternately laugh at your Church and curse it as a pox upon Germany, you would have me hung as a traitor. And yet, were I to tell you that Munster is a town of law-abiding Catholics who love their Princess -- VON BEICHLINGEN Yes? VAN LEYDEN You would instantly detect the lie and have me hung as a traitor. 00020000062700005912621,Von wALDECK The logic seems sound to me. VAN LEYDEN The people of Munster cannot understand the original Greek or interpret the scriptures. They are not baptized. They do not believe. So you cannot control their hearts. They simply... Know not, my dear Princess. Von BEICHLINGEN But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. VAN LEYDEN For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required. VON BEICHLINGEN And to whom men have committed much... VAN LEYDEN Of him they will ask the more. VON BEICHLINGEN Luke. VAN LEYDEN Chapter twelve, verse forty-eight. VON BEICHLINGEN And how, tailor, can Munster be made to believe? VAN LEYDEN By instituting a priest, a figurehead, sympathetic to the people of Munster, but ultimately loyal to you. Von WALDECK May it please the Princess -- Von BEICHLINGEN (raising a hand) I tire of these interruptions. We can talk more specifically tomorrow morning, van Leyden. Von Beichlingen turns on her heel and signals van Leyden to follow her. Van Leyden and von Waldeck bow deeply as she leaves. As they straighten, their eyes lock. VON WALDECK You seduce her with your lying tongue. Van LEYDEN The story of my life. Von Waldeck glares for a moment and then pursues von Beichlingen off-stage. On his way out he bumps into van Matthijs, who enters, led by his own nose. VaN MATTHIJS Oh, there you are! Batter-cakes! I smell them! They call out to me! There must be a kitchen somewhere in this abbey -- VAN LEYDEN Jan, I think Ive talked myself into a new job. 00020000061700005F33611,VAN MATTHIJS Batter-cakes, batter-cakes, batter-cakes, where are they?! VAN LEYDEN Jan, wait, behind that curtain there are --- Van Matthijs shoves the curtain aside, and we hear the giggle of many girls from within. Van Matthijs gasps, grabs his chest, and collapses with a huge smile on his face. VAN LEYDEN Thirty naked girls! Van MATTHIJS (physical agony, mental ecstasy) Oh rapture! Oh joy! Van Matthijs dies. ACT 1 SCENE 5 A deep bell tolls mournfully in the distance. Lights slowly up on a small unmarked grave stone. Von Beichlingen and van Leyden frown down upon it. A small wooden chest sits at von Beichlingens feet. VaN LEYDEN At least he died happy. Von BEICHLINGEN Youve given your mule and your best friend to God in one day, van Leyden. VAN LEYDEN I can buy another mule. Good men cannot be bought. VON BEICHLINGEN Can they not, van Leyden? I find that, as with many things, the finest ones are the most expensive. VAN LEYDEN My Princess? VON BEICHLINGEN Operate Munster for me. Collect the tithes, keep the people in line. Maintain absolute authority in Munster. VAN LEYDEN (a beat) What do you offer in trade? VON BEICHLINGEN In exchange I offer... Absolute authority in Munster. Your title will be Bishop of Munster, Gods authority in all matters regarding the state. VAN LEYDEN (a beat) May it please the Princess -- VON BEICHLINGEN It would, in fact, please me. Spare me the manufactured modesty and accept the path chosen for you. VAN LEYDEN (smiling) My Princess knows me better than I know myself. VON BEICHLINGEN 00020000065700006544651,I will send a division of twenty of our eunuchs immediately. They will be useful as loyal soldiers that do not succumb to temptation. You are to fill Munster with good Catholics. Von Beichlingen opens the wooden chest and lifts out a cassock and seal. VON BEICHLINGEN You will wear the official robes of Essen. Van Leyden opens his mouth to ask a question. VON BEICHLINGEN (pointedly) You will wear the official robes of Essen without modification. Van Leyden sags and von Beichlingen hands him the robes. VON BEICHLINGEN Ill expect a report within the month of your progress. Van Leyden turns to leave. VON BEICHLINGEN God go with you, van Leyden. Van Leyden turns back. VAN LEYDEN He always does. Van Leyden leaves. AcT 1 SCENE 6 Sophie wipes dirt from her hands and lifts a basket of peas. Van Leyden appears in a cassock, a surplice and a large cross. Sophie stands respectfully and drops her eyes in deference to the approaching bishop. Van Leyden approaches Sophie and makes the sign of the cross at her. Sophie looks up and recoils. SOPHIE Its you! VaN LEYDEN Exactly. SOPHIE I did not know that you are a bishop! VAN LEYDEN Miracles never cease. SOPHIE Your sudden recovery seems miraculous. VAN LEYDEN With God, nothing is impossible. Not even Sophie offering to marry Jan van Leyden. SOPHIE You were dying when I said that! VAN LEYDEN Im dying now, Sophie. An hour, a day, a year, a hundred years from today, but I am a dying man. It may be tomorrow or some day after tomorrow, but death is surely upon me. SOPHIE (a new subject) Where is your round friend? VAN LEYDEN He died. Sophie gasps. 00020000064D00006B95647,SOPHIE Did you... Kill him? VAN LEYDEN He died of too much joy, Sophie. And if you were to marry me... Sophie blinks. Van leYDEN I might also die of too much joy. SOPHIE If you died, you might stop mocking me thus. VAN LEYDEN I do not mock you. SOPHIE You do mock me. You think that I am but a common fragile girl. But I am stronger than any man with a knife. Here. Sophie hands a carrot to van Leyden. SOPHIE Attack me with this. Van Leyden rolls his eyes lasciviously at Sophie. SOPHIE What? Attack me with this. VaN LEYDEN I have had dreams like this. SOPHIE Here, this is a knife. Attack me with the knife! Van Leyden gamely waves the knife at Sophie. With a slick move, Sophie grabs van Leyden and twists his wrist into himself. They end up in a tight clench, their hands in van Leydens groin. Van Leyden grunts in pain. SOPHIE There, you see. I have turned the knife into your own body. VaN LEYDEN (in great pain, squeaking) Not... Carrot... SOPHIE What? VAN LEYDEN (sweating) Thats not the carrot... Sophie looks down and releases van Leyden. He gasps and staggers, rubbing his crotch. VaN LEYDEN (panting) Your grip is truly prodigious. A grip of iron. Tell me, Sophie, do you perchance milk cows?! SOPHIE I own forty cows! How did you know that? VAN LEYDEN (groaning) Lucky guess! You are truly a girl of flabbergasting strength! SOPHIE Did I injure you? VAN LEYDEN (squeaking) No, I... (clears throat) No, I recover. SOPHIE I can do many things. I can tell between baking mushrooms and poisonous ones. I can ride a horse without a saddle. And I know every star in the heavens. 000200000616000071DC610,VAN LEYDEN That is something! I cannot name a single star. SOPHIE On the horizon, there. The belt of Orion. Betelgeuse. The twins of Castor and Pollux. And there, the red one -- VAN LEYDEN Yes? SOPHIE Mars, a wandering star. Every night he travels a little further across the sky. VAN LEYDEN Where is he now? SOPHIE (pointing) He crosses the path of Virgo. You see her arms, her body, there -- VAN LEYDEN I do see them. SOPHIE Soon Mars will wander from her path. VAN LEYDEN Then Mars is a fool. Is it possible, Sophie... SOPHIE Yes? VAN LEYDEN Might a wandering star ever stop in his path? Van Leyden takes Sophie into his arms and kisses her. She resists a bit. Van Leyden takes her hand and pulls her toward the cottage. SOPHIE No -- VAN LEYDEN Sophie, I burn for you! SOPHIE Not unless we are married by a priest of the Catholic order. VAN LEYDEN (smacking his forehead) Done! Jan van Leyden, do you take this woman Sophie to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, for richer, for poorer? I do. Sophie, do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, et cetera and so forth? Say I do. SOPHIE Um... Well... VAN LEYDEN Say I do! SOPHIE Well, I... VAN LEYDEN Thank you! If theres anyone present who has reason for this marriage to not take place, make himself known! Van Leyden cups a hand to an ear and listens. SOPHIE Um... VAN LEYDEN Thank you! With the power vested in myself by the Princess von Beichlingen, I now pronounce us man and wife! SOPHIE But, I... VAN LEYDEN I-may-kiss-the-bride! 0002000007B4000077EC7AE,Van Leyden grabs Sophie and kisses her. She struggles a bit but then settles into the kiss. VaN LEYDEN Tonight, Sophie, the stars stop in their paths. They walk to the threshold of the cottage and their eyes meet. Van Leyden moves to pick Sophie up, ostensibly to carry her across the threshold. Sophie pulls away. SOPHIE No. Van Leyden cocks an eyebrow. SOPHIE I can walk across the threshold myself. Sophie takes van Leydens hand and leads him into the cottage. ACT 1 SCENE 7 Darkness. Crickets chirp and we hear the sound of a lone wolf calling his own name. VON WALDECK (O.S.) Disgusting. Thoroughly disgusting. Spotlight up on von Waldeck. He is carrying a bit of parchment. VON WALDECK I will, of course, be the first to admit that being a bishop is an easy life. The Tuesday beef is brown and savory; the morning milk is never sour; the down pillows of my bed are always washed by the nuns to a snow-glistening white; the fire in my room is always cheered with twice-seasoned wood. To acquire my position had taken me years of careful, subtle, dutiful obeisance to the Princess von Beichlingen. And the honey-tongued tailor takes the title in an afternoon of thick lies. Impertinence! Interference! Impudence! Am I to lose my rightful entitlements because of this... pretender? Well. He may be a fine weaver of tales, but I have learned something in my years of service to the Princess. We kingmakers must employ two kinds of men. We must employ bold men of confidence and ability, fair-haired heroes whose armor glints in the noonday sun, men of honesty and valor. And... We must employ the other kind. Men of silence and cool logic and sensible deception for the purpose of greater good. Men who think neither too little nor too much, but follow and execute and obey, unto the making of their own corpses. God grants me the ability to see these men and pull them from the dark coal pits and polish them into glowing and sharp jewels. 000200000FD100007F9AFCB,A man, covered from head to toe in a black cape and hood, enters. Moving with certainty, he is an intimidating sight. Perhaps we can catch a glint of his eyes underneath his dark hood, but no more. This, dear friends, is Wolferam. Truly, his name is all that von Waldeck knows about him. VoN WALDECK Ah, Wolferam. The hour is odd, as is a task that I would have done. Wolferam says nothing. VON WALDECK There is a Jan van Leyden of Munster. He has told lies to the Princess von Beichlingen in order to take my rightful title from me. It would please me greatly if the quick tongue in his head should slow a bit. Here. Von Waldeck produces a red wand with a small, ornate handle. He places the wand in Wolferams gloved palm. VON WALDECK Pull the handle. Wolferams hands do so, and an extremely sharp needle slides from its sheath. Wolferam experimentally prods a finger toward the tip of the needle. VON WALDECK Dont! Wolferam freezes. VON WALDECK The tip is coated with monks-hood. Death will come within an hour to whomever it touches. Wolferam sheaths the needle. VON WALDECK Van Leyden is returning now to Munster. You will find him there. Here, I have written his name for you. Von Waldeck shows Wolferam the parchment. VON WALDECK Clergymen and other people of significance will be able to read it. The populace will not. Wolferam tucks the parchment into a pocket. VON WALDECK Ah, yes. I would never forget your price. Fifty gold-guilders, I believe? Wolferam nods silently. Von Waldeck pulls out a clinking pouch of coins and places them in Wolferams palm. VON WALDECK Here are one hundred gold-guilders, then. And one hundred more when you bring me the tongue. But, in exchange for my courtesy... Be sensible and quiet, Wolferam. Cause no unnecessary disturbance. Permit no eyes to see, no ears to hear. Wolferam looks at the pouch of gold, nods, and pockets it. Wolferam slowly, silently, turns and walks away. VON WALDECK God protect you. Black out. Act 2 scene 1 The sound of glasses clinking and happy laughter: were back at the Red Oak Tavern. Dieter and Divara toast each other with mugs. Van Leyden enters, wearing his cassock and cross. Dieter sees him; Divara doesnt. DieTER A bishop walks into a bar. DiVARA (thinks) I dont get it. Van leYDEN And he says, Ouch! Who put this bar here? Divara turns and sees van Leyden. She screams with joy and runs into van Leydens arms, kissing his cheek, laughing. Van Leyden smiles and laughs as well. DIVARA Van Leyden, van Leyden! Where did you find this ridiculous peacock costume? Oh, your cheeks are rosy from exercise, to be sure! Van lEYDEN (a beat) Dieter! Van Leyden strides to Dieter and shakes his hand. Van leYDEN And how is my favorite musician, eh? Ill bet you have a new air for us. DieTER My air is not yet ready to air; its in disrepair; I would err to air it. But your wild affair is beyond compare. VAN LEYDEN (showing off his costume) Its true that I have a fashionable head on my shoulders. DIETER Were a member of the church to see you in this costume, your head and your shoulders might part. VAN LEYDEN This is no costume. Van Leyden pulls a gold seal from a hidden pocket. Van leYDEN And this is the seal of the Cathedral of Essen. DieTER (crossing himself) My God! VAN LEYDEN Exactly. I am now the holiest man in Munster. Dieter and Divara look at each other for a moment silently, and then simultaneously scream with laughter. DIETER (laughing) To get this costume... This gold seal... Are you sure you didnt kill someone? DiVARA Wheres Jan? VAN LEYDEN (laughing) Who did I kill? Indeed! Who did I kill! Van Leyden starts. Van leYDEN Divara, dearest. You havent beaten any other men in my absence, have you? Divara grabs van Leydens face with both hands, mashing his lips into an ungraceful moue. She squeezes his cheeks, moving his mouth like a puppet, and makes van Leyden say... DIVARA Where. Is. Jan. Van Leyden freezes and thinks for long seconds. VAN LEYDEN Well. Divara, you see... Its that... 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(O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE)sTTR CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO:FADE TO BLACK.lsTSI=INTEXTI/E  ACT 1 SCENE 1 ACT 1 SCENE 2 ACT 1 SCENE 3 ACT 1 SCENE 4 ACT 1 SCENE 5 ACT 1 SCENE 6ACT 1 SCENE 6: COTTAGE ACT 1 SCENE 7 ACT 2 SCENE 1SsTST DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAYmCRO9INTINT. Scene Heading01119EXTEXT. Scene Heading01128I/EI/E Scene Heading0113@DAY - DAY Scene HeadingAction0114DNIGHT - NIGHT Scene HeadingAction0115HSUNRISE - SUNRISE Scene HeadingAction0116DMAGIC - MAGIC Scene HeadingAction0117GCONT continuing ParentheticalDialogue0118JINTER interrupting ParentheticalDialogue0119$000GCUTTOCUT TO: Transition Scene Heading1111EFADEINFADE IN:Action Scene Heading1112KFADEOUT FADE OUT. 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