There is a stock photo of a baby in distress up there, which is critical for getting clickthroughs from social media. Now, I will write a dire-sounding article about a new trend on the Internet.
This new trend is hate speech against babies.
I claim, in an incredulous and yet serious-sounding way, that there is a new and dangerous movement on social media that advocates violence against all babies, just for being babies.
To further develop this clickbait, I search Twitter for a few obnoxious catch-phrases, including “babies hate” and “babies disgusting.” I then provide a few links to some particular troll posts on Twitter, that make it seem as though this “hating babies” concept is truly an active movement:
babies are disgusting, just stop
— αshley | آشلي (@IIXVVI) April 3, 2016
Babies are disgusting
— ralph tho (@yaboiiiraf) April 7, 2016
how much people on here and tumblr hate babies has gotten to a point where its literally not funny like its alarming?
— azula (@ryobenda) April 8, 2016
"I hate babies, they don't know social cues" –@baileyysimmons
— Dill I Am (@DillonByrnes) April 8, 2016
This stunt has made me hate babies… never a crazy fan of them but I swear to god I hate them now. pic.twitter.com/wIOzBxwtR5
— Bindi (@CynicalCycle) April 5, 2016
srsly hate when babies cry, thats the only time I dont like them
— Я (@Rizzie_) April 2, 2016
I want chipotle and wingstop and whataburger and bluebell icecream ugh
— clarissa (@clarissahinojo) April 8, 2016
“The trend of hate speech against babies is disturbing,” Dr. Hans Kutzler, a Ph.D. and Ed.D. at the University of Northern Nebraska, who I just made up. “This sort of claim to authority, even though it is never actually fact checked, lends an air of credence to the clickbait. But I might not actually exist. Or if I do, I might just be trying to make a few bucks myself through writing clickbait on the side.”
Do YOU think this trend can be stopped? How do YOU stand on the question of hating newborns who have barely come into existence? Inviting the reader to take action is key when writing clickbait. At this point, you have an emotional reaction to this article. And you want to write some long-winded diatribe yourself in the comments section, about how unfair it all is. And because you are all worked up about the wild injustice this article portrays, you will Share with all your friends on social media, thus increasing our page ranking even further in the search engines.
Make sure to post some incredulous question with your share, like “OMG is this real? Somebody tell me it’s not…” When someone tells you it’s not real, make sure to leave the link up anyway, thus increasing our advertising revenue even further.