in Theatre

And you remember the jingles used to go

The lights had been on in the stuffy bedroom for about an hour, and the temperature was way past ninety degrees. Phane (pronounced Fan-ny) and Yoga (pronounced Yo-ga) fiddled with the 16mm camera, readjusted the lighting, pulled a tape measure to my nose, fiddled with the camera again, put a yellow gel on one fresnel lamp, and tweaked the lighting again.

Sweat poured off my nose as I lay crumpled in the bedsheets. Marin, playing my love interest, said, “Can we get a tissue for John?” Marin swabbed off my forehead and powdered my nose with a compact.

“Okay, we’re ready,” said Phane. “Action.”

Grope-kiss-grab-roll- “And cut. That was very good.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “That was two seconds of film. You don’t need a second take?”

“No,” said Phane. “Let’s move on.”

Yoga readjusted the cels and spun some knobs on the camera. He removed the gel from another fresnel and checked light levels again. I took off my socks.

“Look ashamed,” said Phane. “Look down and look ashamed.”

I looked down and looked ashamed. “Cut,” said Phane. “Perfect. Let’s move on.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “I didn’t feel very ashamed there.”

“No, it was perfect,” said Phane. “Would you like some pizza?”

The actors ate pizza and talked. “My first time doing a love scene,” said Marin.

I toasted her. “I’m honored.”

“How do you think the film will turn out?”

I looked down and looked ashamed.

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  1. excellent. say, while y’re looking down, see if you can find a condom, would ya? i think i dropped it somewhere.

  2. So when you looked down and looked ashamed, were you thinking of the film or were you actually looking at something in specific? Love ya big guy.