in Friends

I want the world to know, I got to let it show

Sunday evening, my place. The living room table is covered with food: salmon, wild rice, candy fruit slices, pecan log, Key lime coconut chocolates. We’ve just spent four hours, rocking loud in my basement studio. I feel tired, warm and friendly.

Guys,” I say. “We’ve been the Hippos for years, and you know I tell you everything about my life.”

Eric fuddles around with a G chord on the acoustic guitar. Chris eats a piece of pecan log. Kerwin wanders to the fridge, grabs another soda and says, “Yeah.”

“So you guys are normal, heterosexual musicians, right?” I say.

“I don’t like the way this revelation is starting,” says Eric.

“I’ve made a change in my life, and I want to let you guys know about it, so you can understand and accept me,” I say. Chris swallows a pecan and looks serious. Kerwin punches open the soda and sits.

I take a breath and say, “I’ve started using moisturizer.”

A beat and Kerwin says, “What?”

“Moisturizer,” I say. “Neutrogena Triple Protect Face Lotion. It has sunblock in it. I put some on my face. In the morning. Typically, after I shave. It prevents wrinkles and makes my face look better. Yes,” I say. “That’s it. I’m using… Moisturizer.”

Eric sniffs. Kerwin begins coughing. “Cough cough cough cough! Cough cough metrosexual cough cough…

I say, “And I really hope you guys can understand, and accept me as I am. I’m not asking you guys to use moisturizer as well. Just understand… That now, I do.”

Chris puts down the Key lime chocolate and says, “Actually, I have something to say as well.”

Eric continues holding down a G chord, the guitar silent. “Oh dear God.”

Chris looks away, his eyes on the table. “I should tell you all… My hair…”

I say, “Yes?”

Chris says, “I had my hair… Highlighted. I mean, I had highlights added. Just a little lightening, here and there. But they’re there. Highlights.”

Kerwin noses into his can of soda. Eric says, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this terrified before.”

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  1. I’m so proud of you, John. There is no shame in wanting to feel pretty. However, I WILL start to worry if you state that you are having a "fat day." Even for you, gorgeous in-control-of-your-masculinity man, that’s a bit too metrosexual.