Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats?

[Laughing] I have a joke. It?s a good one. This joke is called “The Aristocrats,” okay? So the setup is, there?s this guy, and he runs a talent agency. He?s an agent. And a man comes into the agent?s office, says Have I Got An Act For You. And the agent says, We Don?t Take Family Acts. And so the guy says… no wait, the guy?s got his family with him. Yeah, the guy walks in to the talent agent?s office, he has a wife and a son… So the guy goes in, with his whole family, says to the talent agent, Have I Got an Act For You. Talent agent says, We Don’t Take Family Acts. And so the guy goes, You’ve Never Seen Anything Like This. And so the daughter… Wait a second, this is important. There’s a daughter there. So the guy has brought his wife, his son and his daughter. And he goes to the talent agent, Have I Got An Act For You, blah blah blah. And so the daughter takes out this big thing, it’s like about this long and like this. It’s some sort of sexual device. And the whole family is, like, “whoa!” … Let me see if I can remember how this goes. So the son takes the thing… I’m sorry, I’ve totally screwed this up. Wait, wait! There’s a pony. They’ve got a Shetland pony with a velvet collar covered with sleigh bells and blue ribbons. And the pony is pulling this sleigh, and the sleigh is full of toys and gifts and things… I always wanted a pony. It would be nice to pet one. They have those soft manes. [Make pony noises] The joke! So okay, we have a pony. And so the daughter, she has this sexual device, it?s like this big, and everybody’s like, “ohhhh!” And then… So maybe, the pony isn’t actually important to the story. I can’t remember. The pony comes in, and then… [Long pause] Knock knock. [Who?s there?] The Aristocrats! [The Aristocrats who?] Um… [Long pause, then cry quietly]

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