INT. ENTRYWAY - DAY Martha, in a houserobe and carrying a cell phone, answers the door. Plumber stands in the doorway, carrying a chest of tools. PLUMBER You got a problem with the toilet, ma'am? MARTHA Ah yes, you're the plumber. PLUMBER Actually, I'm a plumbing engineer, ma'am. They walk through the house; we dolly behind them. PLUMBER So what's the problem? MARTHA With the toilet? PLUMBER Yes. MARTHA (quickly) Well, there is a leak at the base of the valve cap. It's a model four hundred A. You'll need to lift the arm, remove the calcium deposits, and rotate it one-eighth of a turn counterclockwise. Also, there's a bit of a noisy refill cycle. The angle adapter is pointing straight down the overflow pipe. You need to tilt the angle adapter so the refill water is hitting the inside wall of the overflow pipe. Lift the rod arm and remove the top cap assembly by turning one-eighth of a turn counterclockwise. Using a straightened coat hanger, carefully clean out the inlet passage of the valve. If the problem still persists, you may need to replace the water supply line with Fluidmaster's flexible no-burst Braided Stainless Steel connector. PLUMBER Um... MARTHA Yes? PLUMBER Sorry, this is a lot of information. MARTHA What part didn't you understand? PLUMBER Well, um, I'm not sure. MARTHA Repeat it back to me. PLUMBER Well, there's a leak on the valve cap, and it's a model, what? Four hundred? MARTHA Four hundred A. PLUMBER Yeah, that -- and there are calcium deposits on it, so I can probably get those out with a toothbrush -- MARTHA I beg your pardon. PLUMBER Yeah? MARTHA You'll need to lift the arm, remove the calcium deposits, and rotate it one-eighth of a turn counterclockwise. No toothbrush. PLUMBER Oh, okay. No problem. And there was, what did you call it, a noisy refill cycle? Yeah. The angle adapter is tilted and it needs to be straightened out -- MARTHA No. That's not what I said. The angle adapter is pointing straight down the overflow pipe. You need to tilt the angle adapter so the refill water is hitting the inside wall of the overflow pipe. The plumber pulls out a clipboard. PLUMBER Maybe I should be writing this down. MARTHA Maybe you should be. PLUMBER Okay, now, you have a top cap assembly? And what did you want me to do with that? MARTHA Lift the rod arm and remove the top cap assembly by turning one-eighth of a turn counterclockwise. PLUMBER Okay, one-eighth of a turn clockwise. MARTHA Counterclockwise! PLUMBER Didn't I just say counterclockwise? MARTHA No, you said clockwise! PLUMBER Damn. Okay, one-eighth of a turn. MARTHA Use the seal with a Fluidmaster Model 242. PLUMBER The Fluidmaster model 242? MARTHA Yes. It's available in most stores that carry Fluidmaster valves. PLUMBER Oh, yeah, okay. MARTHA I want you to repeat all that back to me. PLUMBER Um. Leak on valve cap. Model four hundred. No, wait, four hundred A. Yeah. And you want the Fluidmaster stainless steel connector. MARTHA (gritting her teeth) Fluidmaster's flexible... no burst... Braided Stainless Steel connector. PLUMBER Yes, that connector. Um... MARTHA What? PLUMBER You know, you may not need to replace that valve. If you just clean off the deposits with a toothbrush -- MARTHA Why do you continue to resist me? PLUMBER What? Martha dials the cell phone. MARTHA I give you clear instructions, and you refuse to follow them! You hate me! You do, you hate me! PLUMBER No, ma'am, it's not that -- MARTHA Hello, Lisa? The plumber you referred to me? He's telling me how I should fix my own toilet! He's not listening to me! He's a bad, bad plumber! PLUMBER Actually, I'm a plumbing engineer, ma'am -- MARTHA (screaming, in tears) You bastard! You insensitive, heartless bastard! Dramatic organ music plays. FADE TO BLACK.